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Probably not safe for work

December 14, 2018

I found this in my inbox this morning. Before I pressed the ‘junk’ button I saved it for posterity as a perfect example of the type.

Warning contains mentions of sex acts. Sort of.

Hi
Do not mind оn my illitеrасy, I am from India.

This is your last chance to save your life.

I uрlоаded thе maliсiоus рrоgram оn yоur systеm.
Sincе thаt mоment I рilfеrеd аll рrivy backgrоund frоm yоur systеm. Аdditiоnally I havе somе mоrе соmрromising evidеnсе. The mоst intеrеsting еvidеnсе thаt I stоlе- its a videоtаpe with yоur masturbatiоn. I adjustеd virus оn а pоrn web sitе аnd аftеr yоu loadеd it. Whеn yоu dесidеd with thе video аnd taррed on а plаy buttоn, my dеlеtеriоus sоft аt оnсе sеt uр on your systеm. Аftеr аdjusting, yоur саmerа shооt thе vidеotаpе with yоu self-аbusing, in аdditiоn it sаvеd рrесisеly the рorn vidеo yоu mаsturbаtеd оn. In next fеw dаys my mаlwаre сollеctеd аll your sociаl and wоrk соntaсts.

If yоu want to dеlеte the rеcords- pay me 400 euro in BTС(cryptocurrency).
I рrovide yоu my Btс numbеr – 1DGQJBfLb11VBaKLhRzQWCFUXwKtoXgV21
You have 24 hоurs aftеr rеаding. When I gеt trаnsfеr I will dеstrоy thе videotape еvеrmоrе.
If you need 50h just Open the calculator on your desktop and press +++
Other way I will send thе tape tо аll yоur сollеagues and friеnds.

I find myself reflecting that specificity would have been so much more terrifying than generality. WHICH porn site? What friends? Give me names, dammit! You can’t just mass produce intimidation.

It is the pathos that makes this such a terrible thing as well as such a funny one. I don’t doubt there is a poor schmuck in India cranking this stuff out… I should probably rephrase that… But he hasn’t the skill to do the really difficult stuff so he relies on playing with people’s heads. And he isn’t any good at that.

The people who will fall for this are aged gentlemen who don’t understand computers. But aged gentlemen who don’t understand computers aren’t going to be able to make head nor tail of Bitcoin.

When I get calls from people who tell me that they are calling from Microsoft about a virus on my machine I can tell them to please go and get an honest job. With this poor fool I can’t even do that. I feel like starting a charity to help those like him give up a life of crime.

What? Oh, yes of course I ran a virus scan after reading it. I’m not totally unafraid…

From → Malware, Personal, Porn

3 Comments
  1. Chorlton Voice permalink

    I think leaving the page intentionally blank is a very good idea!

  2. You’re a bit behind the times, I’m afraid.

    These seem to have started to appear around July-August of this year, and at that point a lot of them included, as “proof”, genuine leaked passwords: not from porn sites, which can usually manage the very basic level of competence needed not to store passwords in a form that can be used to discover the original, but from badly run sites like LinkedIn – on the basis that a lot of people use the same password on multiple sites.

    Within about a fortnight, other scammers had modified the come-on to remove the “this is your password” part and just make a generic threat. But it’s the same basic script as the original attempt. By this point in the cycle, anyone with the slightest originality has moved on to some other scam, and what you got is a copy of a copy of a copy.

    (Some variants of this have a paragraph explaining how to buy bitcoin.)

    Note that you can see how much that particular bitcoin address has received at https://www.blockchain.com/btc/address/1DGQJBfLb11VBaKLhRzQWCFUXwKtoXgV21 . Looks like about 70¢ so far (assuming, falsely, that one can convert bitcoin into something with actual value).

    • So this isn’t even original incompetence but an attempt at recycling something that might have actually worked?

      That’s even sadder.

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