There’s a lot of funny people about

I was heading towards the bus station after my visit to the gym and my shopping at Tesco when I spotted a young, burly looking chap, taller than me who was looking around as if checking no-one important was looking.

Having clocked me and apparently deciding I didn’t count he nipped over to one of the aluminium clad concrete pillars that hold up the roof there by the library, stuck his tongue out and gave it a big lick. He then left in a hurry.

Is this a thing? Is it the latest health movement? Are young people suffering from aluminium deficiencies? Or maybe a lack of concrete in their diets?

Is it like the strange procedures that are supposed to send a pleasurable tingle up your spine? Will there be concerned headlines in the DAILY MAIL?

If there are, remember you saw it here first!

And another thing.

Every weekday morning just now when I finally emerge from my morning ablutions there’s the sound of an air horn somewhere nearby playing La Cucaracha . I’m not quite paranoid enough to think it’s the Observers letting people know that Cule is stalking the world so I’m assuming that it’s something to do with the team that has been refurbishing from just outside my flat to the start of the High Street.

Will I miss them when they go? Will they ever go? How big a fuss will the local horde of tut-tut merchants make when they see the final result of the refurbishment? Will I want to join them?

Chris, Roger’s wife, has a rant all prepared about the new lamp posts with the name of the road in illuminated letters on them. Me I’m more likely to kvetch about the quality of the pavement they leave us with.

Any back to my main point which is air horns.

Why would anyone want one of these pieces of 1950s technology? Clearly it’s evidence of deep insecurity to have a horn on your car that draws that much attention to you and evidence of obsessive compulsive behaviour to do it every bloody weekday morning regular as clockwork.

And now I go and look it up I find that those horns that play music aren’t what are called Air Horns nowadays anyway. I don’t know what they are called but they only seem to come in two tunes La Cucaracha and Dixie. Why no British Grenadiers? Why no Lilliburlero? 

THE PLAIN PEOPLE OF HIGH WYCOMBE: Have yer got that out of yer system now?

I think so yes. I need to go and lie down.

TPPoHW: A bit Paul Jennings this.

Hmm, yes. Not that that’s a bad thing, considering.