Good news, bad news

The good news is that Our Beloved Prime Minister does not appear to be suffering from the same verbal malfunctions as the Former Number One Guy in the US did. His sentences ramble, they use appalling imagery and twee references and catchphrases he probably learned at his nanny’s knee. But they do make some sort of sense.

He isn’t suffering from senility or whatever peculiar form of brain damage the Former Guy has. He is however (and his recent performance confirms this) lazy, incompetent and vain. Only he could have written Peppa Pig (I believe that was the lady’s name) into an address to the CBI, a bunch of people noted for taking themselves and their concerns seriously even when they are on the annual jamboree. I can here him now, in my imagination, insisting on her inclusion to the professional speech writers employed to polish up his whimseys and find good filler for him: “No, no! Don’t be so stuffy! It’ll be fine!”

I realise this is thin comfort but it’s all I can offer you. I am slightly depressed by the possibility that the Tories will now be able to replace him and that the person they find to replace him (no matter how objectively unsuited to high office) will be given a chance to prove themselves by the British People whose sense of fairness will be offended by those of us who condemn them without giving them a chance to prove themselves. Yes, even Michael Gove! Yes, even Pritti Patel.

That dead cat bounce might well be enough to take the Tories first over the finishing line in the next General Election.

I may be forced (horrid prospect!) to say nice things about Boris, about how he is a splendid chap and should be preserved for the nation if I can thereby keep him in office until the next general election. (Odds against a televised debate though, don’t you think?)

EDITED TO ADD:

I just watched a recording of him fumbling through his notes and looking for his place, saying ‘Forgive me…. Forgive me….”

I have dreams like that but only ones in which I am a poor under-rehearsed actor and not ones where I am Prime Minister. I suppose I now have that to look forward to.